how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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