went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I smell stomach acid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
