I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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