My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
