dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
