Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
