I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Houston, we have a blender
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
