and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
