Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
