you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my being single is dangerous.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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