Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
