i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
