At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize