yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
