no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
