Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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