You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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