Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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