Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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