i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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