It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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