you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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