Cold hands, warm shart.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
