What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have feelings that need drinking.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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