put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
