I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
