If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Boobs speak an international language.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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