I want to have your abortion
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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