now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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