in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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