It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
