There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
