he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
