Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
