I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
