where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
