Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
