I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
