i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
