Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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