So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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