It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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