shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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