So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
