Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
