He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
