highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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