He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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