Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
