Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
