He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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