His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
