so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You took a bar mat shot.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
