Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
