Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
