He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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