Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
