I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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