I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
