it's too hot outside to masturbate.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
