...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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