The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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