Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
