I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize