I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
