So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're a waste of cheezeits
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
