Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
