I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
