Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
