Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A bitchslap is in order.
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