In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
