I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
