Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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