I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
