You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
